When Relationships in Christ Crumble and Hearts are Crushed

Do you have past relationships that were once intimate, covenantal, and sacrificial, but then something happened, and you no longer even have their phone number? A friendship that is so broken and inert that it feels like those once “fast friends” wouldn’t miss you if they didn’t see you in heaven?

Most of what we call “Kingdom building” these days is actually just networking with an expiration date. We’ve become experts at “kingdom partnerships” that last only as long as they are convenient, profitable, or ego-stroking. We treat people like software updates—useful until something better comes along—and then we wonder why the “move of God” we keep praying for never actually sticks. The truth is, God doesn’t build His house on talent or strategy; He builds it on covenant. And if your loyalty has a “pull-the-cord” clause, you aren’t building anything eternal.

The $2 Watch: Why Ministry Fails When Covenant Fails

Years ago, I sat in a room filled with leaders who had an authentic hunger to be a part of what God was doing in our city. Honestly, the energy felt electric. We were mapping out the future, sketching these massive plans for ministry, and we were totally convinced we were on the cutting edge of something huge, and in truth, we were. We had the heart of God for the city but the problem was we didn’t have the heart of God for each other.

While the talk was all high-level strategy, my spirit was hearing an air raid siren.

I sensed a fragility in that room that nobody else seemed to catch. I realized that for all our talk of “kingdom impact,” the foundation was actually brittle. I finally spoke up and said, “The nature of our relationships has to be: I will never leave you or forsake you.”

Crickets.

Tragically, the silence told me all I needed to know. Why was that so unappealing? Perhaps because that level of relationship in Christ requires a level of “death to self” that our grand plans didn’t account for. Sure enough, it didn’t take long for the solidarity of that group to shatter like a cheap $2 watch. The work we felt called to do in that city? It never happened. Why? Because we tried to build God’s house while ignoring God’s character.

The Standard: “As He Is, So Are We”

We love quoting Hebrews 13:5—“I will never leave you nor forsake you”—as a blanket of comfort for ourselves, knowing that God is always with us. We love the security of it. But we rarely see it as a mandate for how we treat other people.

1 John 4:17 says, “As He is, so are we in this world.” If “who He is” is a God who never leaves or forsakes, then “who we are” has to be people who do the same. This isn’t just a nice sentiment; it’s the benchmark of spiritual maturity. If we aren’t reflecting that same tenacity of love toward our brothers that God shows us, then there’s a massive gap between our character and His.

The Posture of Five

There are five specific places in Scripture where God promises never to leave or forsake us. In Hebrew symbolism, the glyph for the number five (the letter Hey) represents a man with his arms lifted in surrender.

The irony here is pretty profound: To actually reach the “cutting edge” of what God is doing, we don’t need more strategy. We need more surrender.

We have to surrender our right to “exit” when things get messy. We have to surrender this “disposable” culture of modern ministry, where people are just tools to be used rather than brothers and sisters to be loved.

The Sincerity Gap

The distance between saying “I’m with you” and actually living out “I will never leave you” is the distance between God’s process and His outcome.

• The Process: God working in you to break your preference for comfort.

• The Outcome: You being conformed to the image of Christ.

If your commitment to your brothers is contingent on how well the “project” is going, or what you stand to gain, you aren’t building a kingdom—you’re just running a business. And businesses, like $2 watches, eventually fall apart.

A Question for the Soul

Do you have even one relationship in Christ where your commitment is truly, “I will never leave you or forsake you”?

If the answer is no, then it doesn’t matter how grand the vision is or how loud the worship gets. There’s a gap in your character where the likeness of Christ should be. Maybe it’s time we stop making plans and start making covenants.

Let’s Pray Together (We can do THAT, Can’t We?)

Father,

We come before You acknowledging that we have often valued our plans more than Your people. We confess that it is easy to claim Your promise that You will never leave us, while we secretly plot our own “exit strategies” from the brothers and sisters You have placed in our lives.

Lord, forgive us for our “disposable” loyalty. We ask that You would bridge the gap between our words and our walk. Just as You are, let us be in this world—people of our word, people of steady presence, and people of unbreakable covenant.

We lift our hands in the posture of the “five,” surrendering our need for control, our fear of being hurt, and our obsession with outward success. Break our preference for comfort so that the likeness of Christ can be formed in us.

Give us the courage to stop just “networking” and start truly loving. Build Your house on the foundation of our shared life in You, so that the work we do will not shatter like a $2 watch, but will stand as a testament to Your enduring faithfulness.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Question for Discussion:

• The “Exit Strategy” Check: Be honest—have you ever found yourself distancing from a brother or sister in Christ just because a “project” or ministry season ended? Why is it so easy to treat ministry relationships as temporary?

• The Mirror of 1 John 4:17: If we are called to be “as He is” in this world, and He is a God who never leaves or forsakes, what is one practical way we can show that same “tenacity of love” to someone who is currently difficult to be around?

• The $2 Watch Moment: Can you think of a time when a ministry or business effort fell apart because the relationships weren’t solid enough to carry the weight of the vision? What did that experience teach you about the “foundation” of the work?

• Defining Covenant: What do you think is the biggest difference between a “kingdom covenant” and a “modern partnership”?

• The Surrender of Five: The Hebrew number five symbolizes surrender (arms lifted). In your current relationships, what is the hardest thing for you to “surrender” in order to stay committed when things get messy?

Finally, Tag a brother or sister who has been a ‘covenant’ friend to you—someone who stayed when it would have been easier to leave.