Single and Seeking? Don’t Settle!

💍 Single and Seeking? Don’t Settle!

It is tragic what we see happening among men and women today—a constant settling for less than the profound connection God intended. But the blueprint for an extraordinary relationship isn’t a long list of expectations; it’s hidden in the very first pages of the Bible, in the creation of Adam and Eve. Just like God took Eve from Adam, so he dealt with you and the prospective spouse He has for you. Having said that, inevitably I’m peppered with questions based on multiple marriages, broken relationships, etc., to which I reply – this is a FAITH proposition – DON’T RATIONALIZE AWAY YOUR BLESSING by vainly trying to sort out the past. 

A Closeness Beyond Names

When God made man, notice something fascinating: The Father never calls His creation “Adam” in Genesis 2:15-18. It is only after the fall that He calls out, “Adam, where are you?”

And when God brought the woman to the man (Genesis 2:21-25), neither God nor Adam referred to her by a proper name! Adam simply declared: “This is woman…” They were so at one with each other it never occurred to refer to one another by a proper name – what intimate closeness!

Was this an oversight? No. God and Adam had just finished naming every living creature. The significance lies in their profound unity.

• In Hebrew, “man” is Ish.

• “Woman” is Isha, which beautifully means “out of man.”

They were so fundamentally one that they didn’t need separate names to refer to each other. To them, giving each other names would have been as unnecessary as naming your own hands or feet. They were an extension of a singular being.

The Spiritual Embryo

This profound unity explains the concept Paul introduces in Romans: that we were all “in Adam” when he fell, which is why we are born as fallen creatures. We were like spiritual potentialities, or embryos, within him, and that includes the creation of man and companionship, which holds GREAT PROMISE for you in your life.

When God took Eve (Isha) out of Adam, He didn’t just create a singularity; He created a separation. He took all of femininity, all of womanhood, out of what the man was at that moment. And we have been trying to close that gap ever since.

God embedded the drive to reunite in our very make-up, a drive to become what we were before that separation. Why? Because the Father wanted human relationships to reflect His own desire for companionship, which is why He calls us His “bride.”

The Call of the Formidable Woman

I believe the modern cry for freedom and autonomy that arose from the women’s liberation movement—though often misdirected—was a desperate plea for recognition of the woman’s true, formidable nature. Women are not objects.

God made woman, as the Psalmist says, to come out of the wilderness TERRIBLE AS AN ARMY WITH BANNERS. Are you in a relationship wilderness? You aren’t coming out with a whimper – you are coming out with a ROAR!

Real men know how to love formidable women.

Formidable women possess the ability to call out “the king” within their husbands, who God has destined them to be. Consider Abigail from the Bible. Despite being married to an angry and abusive man, she learned from her mistakes. When she met David, she spoke to the king he was destined to be. Without Abigail’s wisdom, David’s name might have been lost to history, and his destiny as the Sweet Psalmist of Israel would have been thwarted.

Why did Abigail marry her first husband, Nabal? She shared a common liability that many women today experience: Abigail’s “Picker” was broken. Why? How? Because, in the sinful nature of women, there’s something that “goes for” the “bad boys” (of which you don’t need an explanation; just look at your dating life and relationship history). But something changed in Abigail and that shift opened her up to become the spouse of one of the most influential men of all time. 

How to Speak to the King in Your Spouse

Now, how did my late wife “speak to the king” in me in such a profound manner? I recall, especially during our early marriage, waking up in the early hours of the morning to find her praying for me and whispering in my ear, “Today is the day we celebrate Russell Eugene Walden, a mighty man of God, the son of the Most High, an anointed servant of the Almighty…” I can’t express how profoundly impactful those words were in my life at that time—in a positive way. It was like someone was pouring warm honey in my ear right down into my heart. Something broken in me was healed. Something of who God ordained me to become stood up and manifested. The results were off the charts in God’s goodness, favor and breakthrough.

💖 Don’t Settle for Anything Less

I was pursuing my gifts and callings, but when I met her, something shifted. She spoke to the king in me, and suddenly, we were living under an open heaven, reaching millions for Christ. She was a woman of faith who prayed for a “mighty man of God, a marketplace apostle…” a man who, in her words, was “the whole pie…” She knew some potential companions were a “piece of the pie,” but she believed in the “whole pie,” a man who was spiritual, mature in the kingdom, yet fun-loving, affectionate, and giving. 

• Ladies, don’t settle.

• Men, don’t settle.

Lay aside your laundry list of superficial, unrealistic, and unattainable expectations (that no man could reasonably be expected to meet) and believe in that companion who embodies for you what God intended for Adam and Eve in the garden. Forgive the mistakes of the past—yours, theirs, it no longer matters. Look past the shortcomings and drawbacks. We all have a history. We’ve all erred, at times egregiously so. Abigail no doubt saw David’s weaknesses, but she chose to engage with who he was in God’s eyes. There is a destiny waiting for you, and it will not be a lonely one. Seek the one who makes you feel like the missing half of a magnificent whole. Seek your Isha or your Ish. I can hear the pessimism just oozing out of some of the reading this, to which I say again, “Don’t rationalize away your blessing!” God has something for you. This is how you become a power couple in the kingdom – if you will simply be malleable, open in heart and full of faith for what God has for you.