Ugh! The holidays. A time of joy, celebration, and… potential family conflict. Let’s be honest: gatherings can sometimes bring underlying tensions to the surface. As Christians, we’re called to a higher standard, to be peacemakers even in the midst of strained relationships. It’s not always easy, but with God’s guidance and a focus on His word, we can navigate these times with grace and love.

1. Start with Prayer:

Before you even walk through the door, commit to praying for yourself, for your family members, and for the atmosphere of the gathering. Ask God to fill you with His peace and to help you respond with love and understanding, even when it’s difficult. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your1 requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ2 Jesus.”

2. Focus on Listening, Not Reacting:

It’s easy to get caught up in old arguments or to feel defensive when certain topics arise. Instead, make a conscious effort to truly listen to what others are saying. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. James 1:19 advises us: “My dear brothers and sisters, listen carefully: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” This doesn’t mean you have to condone harmful behavior or beliefs, but it does mean approaching conversations with a spirit of humility and a desire to understand.

3. Choose Your Battles Wisely:

Not every disagreement needs to be addressed. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is to let minor issues slide. Ask yourself, “Is this worth disrupting the peace?” Often, the answer is no. Proverbs 17:14 tells us: “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

4. Extend Grace and Forgiveness:

We all fall short. Family members will inevitably say or do things that hurt or frustrate us. In those moments, remember the grace that God has extended to you. Colossians 3:13 instructs us: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness3 doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it frees you from bitterness and allows healing to begin.

5. Speak with Kindness and Respect:

Even when disagreeing, we can choose to speak with kindness and respect. Avoid accusatory language, name-calling, or bringing up past hurts. Ephesians 4:29 encourages us: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”4

6. Be a Source of Encouragement:

Instead of focusing on the negative, look for opportunities to encourage and uplift others. Offer genuine compliments, express appreciation for their contributions, and focus on positive memories. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 urges us: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

7. Remember the True Meaning of the Season:

Ultimately, the holidays are about celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace. By focusing on His love, grace, and forgiveness, we can find strength to be peacemakers in our own families. Matthew 5:9 reminds us of the blessing promised to those who strive for peace: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

Conclusion

This holiday season, let’s strive to be instruments of God’s peace, bringing His love and light into our family gatherings. It won’t always be easy, but with His help, we can create a more harmonious and Christ-centered celebration.